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Confession

Catriona OCurry

Author: Catriona OCurry

Article:

‘Confession is a stripping away of protection, the telling of a truth which might once have seemed like a humiliation, become suddenly a gateway, an entrance to solid ground; even a first step home. To confess is to free oneself, not only by admitting a sin or an omission, but to profess a deeper allegiance, a greater dedication to something beyond the mere threat of immediate punishment… To confess is to declare oneself ready for a more courageous road, one in which a previously defended identity might not only be shorn away, but be seen to have been irrelevant, a distraction, a working delusion that kept us busy over the years and held us unaccountable to the real question’. – David Whyte.

My life is a reflection of what is important to me, good and bad. I’m having difficulty manifesting the stuff my heart desires. How did this happen? When did I slip back into focusing on what’s unpleasant in my life? It’s true that I feel rather susceptible to the sadness that pervades our world. When I try to keep my spirits up, I’m swimming against a massive current.

Yet I’m not alone: Occupy Compassion, Idle no More, One Billion Rising, Israel Loves Palestine. There is now much awakening, much energy for positive change, much wisdom and yearning to heal the world. Look at all these inspiring people! (Matt Damon, in the next life, ‘will you marry me?’).

But here’s my confession. I have a tendency to complain. I love to blame. (As my husband Bob reads my first draft, he suggests that I insert the following words here, ‘Especially Bob,’ and we laugh uproariously!) Yup, I can be a ‘glass half empty’ kind of girl. Sometimes I give too much energy to the things I dislike, such as drama, manipulative people, financial inequities, meanness, dishonesty, greed, sickness, toxicity, and whiners (hmmm, is that a mirror or what?) I’m not that bad, or people wouldn’t come to me looking for hope. Still, no matter how much I try to reframe depression as grief, I get tired of mourning so much loss.

My powers of manifesting have become diluted and scattered. I have to remember to ask,‘What is it that I really desire?’ Here are the big and little things that bring me the most joy—friendship, love, quiet time, good food, nature, fresh air, beauty, fun, good health, nice clothes, a comfortable home, collaboration, sisterhood, travel, sunshine, family, flowers, teaching and learning plus playing with young people, kids, peers and elders.

I love sharing wisdom about being human. That inspires me. Here’s an example. We’re here to uplift the world by uplifting ourselves. And whether we’re sad or happy, our energy will touch every soul that we’re close to, i.e. all souls. Like the electrons reaching infinity, we broadcast our every emotion and thought. Most importantly, our emissions reach as far as our imaginations can conceive. We might as well radiate happy vibes!

Personally, in order to manifest more of the things that really matter to me, I can connect with those I love and eat foods that make me smile inside and out. I can search for beauty, be in nature, listen to music that lifts my heart up a notch into a grander design, a pattern, a rhythm that soothes and carries me. Some days it might be Bach, or Iyeoka, but today I’ve been listening to music by R. Carlos Nakai (http://www.rcarlosnakai.com).

I’m picturing myself beaming an inspiring signal, along with David Whyte, Carlos Nakai, Matt Damon, Chief Spence and Eve Ensler, covering vast distances and reaching far away planets.

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This entry was posted on Tuesday, April 2nd, 2013 at 12:19 am and is filed under PONDERING. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.

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