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Faith or Fear?

Angela Hanuse

Author: Angela Hanuse

Article:

I had the opportunity to test this question when my husband was away on his annual golfing holiday. I will admit right now, I am a chicken when I am in the house by myself. I want to be brave and be a woman of the new millennium, and there are days when I even think I am there… and then the week alone.

I have lived alone in the past, so it is not that I can’t do it, but the size of the house seems a bit unruly when I am rattling around in it on my own. It is funny how many little noises I never notice, normal noises that just happen in the background and go undetected until … the first night alone. Suddenly, all the little noises seem to go right into my bloodstream and make the tiny hairs on my arms and my neck stand at attention. My imagination kicks in at this point, and you would not believe what those noises can turn into! 

A dog sticking his nose in the compost bucket on the porch is suddenly a burglar climbing up the wall, and of course I AM CONVINCED that he knows my house well enough to find his way right to the place I am hiding, in the dark no less! Now, I know this does not make any logical sense, but it is way too late for that! I have raced all the way from sleep to panic mode in three seconds flat, and now am actively engaged in the whole drama I, myself, have created. “Where is the logic in that?” asks my brain. If I wait a bit, the goose bumps fade, the emotions fizzle out and eventually I do get back to at least a ‘slightly’ more logical approach to the non-existent problem.

This year I was once again amazed at what happens when you ask yourself questions. I asked myself “Why do you do that, when your experience has not included burglars before? What makes you do it?” A voice answered quickly…”Could it be your lack of faith?” I asked, “Who said that?” and received the same answer I receive every time I ask … nothing. 

Upon deliberation, I recognized that the fear was in fact a step away from staying in faith. The further away from faith I go, the more afraid I get. Of course, after I figured that out, the books I picked up all amplified the lesson I was learning. I started connecting to my faith and somehow, just figuring that little thing out, helped me to cope with myself.

Normally, my darling grandkids come and stay when Grandpa is gone. I didn’t want to be responsible for spreading the fear to them too. I have a dear friend who offers her company as well, and we get to enjoy catching up and figuring out the puzzles of life. I loved having all of them to hang out with, but I didn’t want them to feel that they HAD to be there. My revelation gave me hope that I could be a better example. This year when they came, I felt totally peaceful and had a great time. When they left I didn’t even think about being nervous and was actually calmer than usual. This year, I am pleased to report I went to bed and actually STAYED asleep so I didn’t even hear the ‘noises.’ Maybe you can teach an old dog.

This entry was posted on Monday, August 31st, 2009 at 3:22 am and is filed under PONDERING. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.

Synergy Magazine: Vancouver Island, BC, Canada