“Self-care is self-loving. It will heal you…” writes Sonia
Choquette in Vitamins for the Soul. Recently, this has become my new occupation.
I’m moving toward what feels good for my soul -investing in my healing so that I can live an authentic, vibrant and joyful life. It’s not as easy as it seems. With no paycheque attached, it was an extremely difficult decision to make. But when I really listened to my self, it was clear what I needed to do. I needed to create space.
This has resulted in more time to read, write, rest, and breathe. I have begun the process of carving away the energy-drainers in my life. I’m learning to let go of what was to create room for what is to come. I don’t know exactly what that is yet, but I’m remaining open to the possibilities.
It has also brought up fear. Some days I’m not sure if I have the courage or energy to follow through on this promise to myself. I’m venturing into unknown territory – and in many ways against social norms. It’s a showdown between my ego and my Higher Self. Which one will I allow to lead me?
I know how I want to answer, but the truth is that there are some days that I struggle – I can’t settle into myself – and negativity and doubt get the best of me.
Quiet time – something that I have needed so desperately-has been my true ally. It has allowed me to begin tapping into the desires deep within as I search for answers.
And then one day, the words of Anne Morrow Lindbergh in her beautiful book, Gift from the Sea, jumped from the page at me.
“But I want first of all – in fact, as an end to these other desires – to be at peace with myself.” This embodies my healing journey and feels like an enormous task. Written over fifty years ago, I was so moved by her words. And I wondered, after all those years of knowing, why
we aren’t all taught to value and sustain inner peace from our earliest days? Are we even a society that is capable of it?
As I try to find my own way now, I’m learning so much. Synchronicity is at work as my attention is drawn to a book or movie or something in nature that has wisdom to share with me if I can be present and notice it.
There is also frustration. When answers don’t come as quickly as I want them to. When I have low energy days. When I can’t quiet my mind. When I worry about the bank account.
Shifting my awareness, I am learning to look at these frustrations as signs that I need to re-focus on self-care. I cannot recall a time in my life when I have placed such trust in my Higher Self. I have no plan and that scares me. I am simply trying to remember to breathe and trust that I have access to magic in my life. Clarity will come.
In the meantime, I’m sharing the journey. Kate Braverman writes, “To be one woman, truly, wholly, is to be all women. So, perhaps this very personal inner journey is, in a way, for all of us…
Marla Hunter-Bellavia is a writer and owner of Ocean Spirit Communications.
This entry was posted on Tuesday, March 3rd, 2009 at 4:05 pm and is filed under PONDERING. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.