Making a change usually takes a lot of reflection and before that, a nudge of some sort to get you reflecting on whatever it is you might need to take action on.
It was suggested to me almost two years ago that I might want to change my bio to “reflect more my writing”. That immediately set my mind on a Why should I change story. I defended my bio and countered that I don’t define myself by my writing or label myself as a writer. Besides, what I had in my bio reflected more about me than, say, initials? my job description? something more serious? I had lots more ideas about why I should reject this nudge and not take any action and my sister in Maine, who I phoned, agreed with me. We think alike – like twins only separated by three years – and I always call her when this sort of nudge-thing comes along. Then I went for one of my long walks, the kind mentioned in my bio that inspires, rejuvenates and replenishes me, and pondered why I was resistant to the suggestion of changing my bio. This is what I came up with: I have spent the last 10 years taking life way less seriously; I’ve lightened up – see bar story that follows; I think less – people used to tell me, “You think too much”; and I don’t worry and fret any more than positively necessary – I mean negatively necessary.
The bar story goes like this: I was in the bar with my friend years and years ago and he got up to get a drink or go to the bathroom or whatever other reason you get up in the bar. Right in front of me was a table of biker-chicks, the kind who terrified me. I was looking around at people, a cigarette in one hand and a beer in the other. A biker-chick looked me up and down, grinned and said,” Lighten up, eh?” I could have died.
Seriously though, as a teenager and young adult I always went along with, made myself less than, and compromised my integrity over and over. It wasn’t until my mid 30’s that I began saying no with some punch behind it! At the cost of self-esteem, not sticking up for friends sometimes, and being in dangerous situations too often, I finally had enough. With insight, acknowledgment and, finally, acceptance of my introspective, quiet nature, I made changes. Just ask Jim, my husband, if I go along with everything! Over the years I’ve consciously altered the way I think and what I do – read Dance Your Funky Beat in Synergy Jul-Aug 07 if you want more evidence – and I dig in my heels once in a while. I don’t want to conform and I don’t want to be labeled, boxed or packaged in any way, shape or form. So sometimes when ideas come up for me to change, out come the spurs. I come around quickly though, sometimes after an intelligent verbal banter with my husband, who in this case convinced me to rethink my bio.
So I changed my bio to “reflect more my writing” and created perhaps a more professional-looking one. I named a book of anthologies where I published poetry and a writing program I took but I still had no initials after my name. What would Christine Goyer-Swift, MFA be like? Or maybe AI for as is.
Now I’ve changed my bio again, almost back the way it was before the nudge, *#%*#*, reflection and action. But now, perhaps, it’s not so flopsy. I still love to write, dance and take long walks for fun, rejuvenation, relaxation and spiritual fulfillment. Mostly though, I simply Am – same as always.
Christine finds expression through writing and dance, and inspiration through long walks and solitude. “Writing is a window into my life, recording, witnessing and continually emerging.”
This entry was posted on Friday, March 5th, 2010 at 10:03 pm and is filed under PONDERING. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.