Well, life can definitely throw a person a curve ball, just when you least expect it.
As a mother dealing with her children over the years, I’ve experienced those difficult times: first when my children were young and then again when they became adults. Maybe some of you can relate to having raised your children as a single parent, always being the only person to hand out all the Yes’s and No’s over the years; being the ‘Heavy.’
I am proud of my daughter, her family, and their accomplishments but at times we still seem to have a few of the old issues from her childhood. Such as when she takes things I say as a put down, or when I think I’ve said something the right way, but instead the words come flying back at me. So I’ve learned to keep the peace by walking around on eggshells, trying to pick that special time to speak, always being afraid to rock the boat, or of offending her.
Last edition, I wrote about how one of our most important choices is how we present or define ourselves to other people. We all have our own attitudes, beliefs, thoughts, roles and demeanors that we choose when interacting with others. These choices define how the world, in turn, reacts to us because thoughts are actually Things, made of Consciousness or Awareness. I also mentioned that the healing had to start in my home, with my inner self.
What I want to say is that if I always project the attitude of being afraid, of being uneasy, always being too nice, too easy, too agreeable just to keep the peace, I’m really not doing either party any justice at all. It seems that I’ve only transferred all the emotional scars from my childhood, without realizing it, to raising my children.
With all the inner changes that I’ve tried to accomplish in the past couple of years, I’ve come to realize that it’s a never-ending learning process and it may take a lifetime. Just when it seems I have things under control or what I think of as control, I’m reminded there is still a lot of room for healing and change within myself. I’m amazed at how my outer world changes and will continue to change as long as my inner world does.
Visiting my daughter this past week was quite pleasant, even though in my mind we’re constantly struggling to keep a balance between us. I found this time it wasn’t that hard for me. This time, the little comments that would normally make me feel out of place or uneasy seemed not to be present. I was calm inside, I could let things go without feeling the fear of upsetting anyone. I could actually laugh things off and make light of everything. It was quite a good feeling. It’s taken a long time for me to be able to react this way and I’m sure there will be times when I do slip back into the old ways, but they are getting a little less each time.
We spent time chatting without the usual attitudes of "I know better than you,” or "Don’t tell me what to do.” We watched movies together and shared belly laughs. I was included in a group event with some of her closest friends and not made to feel that I was in the way or intruding. When my daughter had to run to the store she asked if I would like to come too. There was just a whole different attitude and feeling that I was experiencing with her. She actually hugged me four or five times with a genuine hug! Not that cold kind where it can’t be over fast enough. What a feeling! Being loved and accepted.
I think back on past times and wonder how much had been my fault that things had become so cold. Was it my fearful attitude and how I presented myself that caused a lot of the emotional problems that I was feeling? Did I project this onto my family? It would seem to me that since I’ve come to terms with my parents and made the shift to being accepted and loved by them, that there’s been a shift in my relationship with my daughter and her family. I now realize when I shift inner thoughts about myself, whether they be good or bad, they’re always reflected back to me.
Old ghosts do haunt us, and maybe when we put them to rest good things can happen. I could say that everything has come full circle for me and we are all healing. What a wonderful feeling to know, "We Get What We Give!”
Marlene Louch is a Wellness Coach that lives in Courtenay. www.consciousplanet.net/marlene