Today, the blue sky is the one that has persisted and won, so everything I look at glistens with mystery and meaning. The bits of dirty snow on the sides of this country road remind me, as I scatter one or two of them with a few swift kicks, that before too long Frank’s bees will return to our Wisteria blossoms, and spring will be in full swing.
Walking quietly across the furry straw mounds to the bluff reminds me of walks in the Irish bogs of my youth. But I’m not getting a signal to deepen my roots here. Do our yearnings grow milder; harder to locate as we age? More than ever, I feel settled. Am I too settled?
I have finally found solid ground within, and although I’m frightened by the prospect of tearing it up again, I don’t want to settle for less than I dream for myself. To want more can be a dangerous thought!
Moving and adapting here was tough. My own heart hardened. Then in time, I managed to soften again in to my old self. Well, yes, even more myself, but wiser than before.
Am I too big for my boots, for this small community?
A quarter century ago, Ireland used to be a lot smaller, more of a wee island. I remember an attitude towards those who, for economic and other reasons, were drawn to other horizons: "Who do you think YOU are?” "Do you think you’re too good for us?”
Living up here on the edge of things, I’ve had a few chances to turn inward. Eventually I uncovered a gift, a sense of belonging that had been here all along. So, now, I should stop, right?
I keep reading that it’s good to keep an eye on the horizon. Some say that desires are necessary for our continued expansion. Buddhists, whom I largely admire, tell us that desire can be a trap. Our collective wisdom points to the truth inherent in this paradox. I think we are best off being still but not stagnating.
I encourage others to stretch and search for that glimmer when all around them looms confusion and darkness. It really does help. But here’s the catch: just be prepared for unexpected turns in your path, for your soul wants you to keep refining the precise direction that your inner compass is pointing to, and it will most likely lead you into unfamiliar territory.
When you find yourself on the frontier of your soul’s longing, I personally recommend connecting with those who uplift you and cherish your light, that it may continue to shine and show you the way forward. We’re not supposed to do this alone. So, when you have reached the edge of all that you know, and you are called to go beyond this into some vast unknown terrain, reach for a kindred spirit, or better yet, several kindred spirits! It makes all the difference.
I awoke one morning to a knowing: I am the ground. Then a voice in my head said, "So, where do I go from here?” Being at home has nothing to do with a particular place.
So first, following my own advice, maybe I should Do Nothing. Stay put. Be still, and see what emerges. Oh, and talk to my friends. Something magical inevitably happens when seekers of the light, the truth, join together. Somehow the amount of light grows exponentially, and it becomes greater than the sum of its parts. We call this Synergy! Aha!
Catriona O’Curry, M.A. is a psychotherapist, teacher and energy healer. She can be reached at (250) 285- 2776, www.bobandcatriona.com