"The house of my youth was non-denominational” I commented to my friends one summer evening as we sat chatting about theology and pondering the ideas and theories surrounding fate and planning. "I’m not sure I have too many pre-conceived notions on the subject” I continued. The questions that we had been throwing around were ‘Can we create our own realities?’ ‘Are we in charge and do we have control?’ Or ‘if we create and build it will they come?’ And then ‘who are they that may be coming if we do create it?’ ‘And what is it that we are creating in the first place?’ As many questions as we came up with we found we had as many opinions on the subject and an almost even division of those who think we have a hand in creating our lives and those who think we do not.
Days later, poised with pen in hand ready to jot my miscellaneous thoughts down on paper, I sat for several minutes with a blank page in front of me. Gradually it occurred to me that there were two things I knew for sure at that moment; one: I don’t know! I don’t know who’s in charge or what they want of me or us. I don’t know what to create and build or who to expect to come if we do build it. I don’t know if my plans will work out or if they even have merit to begin with. I don’t know if we have a say in the matter or if things have been decided for us by forces far greater than us. I don’t know if I want to know.
The second thing I knew for sure was that it just might be possible that we do have a hand in the creation of our lives. Maybe we can create our own realities and maybe we do have a say in what we want to build and who’s coming. Maybe our plans do have merit and it does matter that we make them. Maybe we are in charge and this is our only kick at the can. Maybe we already know.
Through my black ink and white paper I pondered these ideas and realized that even though we really have no way of knowing how the big picture ticks and what makes all the moving parts move, I must try! I must try to make my plans become a reality. I must try to do well. I must try to achieve my goals and I must try to help others to achieve theirs. Because maybe, just maybe, the forces that are greater than me and us are working with me and us. And maybe what we need to create is of the greatest consequence. Maybe our plans make the difference. And maybe, we are in charge after all.
Several months and as many journal pages later I find myself most days walking in the camp of the folks who think it is possible to create our lives. And even though I’ll never know for sure who’s in charge and calling the shots, I’d much rather be actively planning and setting goals for my life to fulfill my needs and help others fulfill theirs along the way – just in case.
Lexia is an accounting and art student at Malaspina University-College.