One day, life just slowed down, and I felt a sense of uneasiness. So I thought I would talk to God. "I am not used to just sitting around doing nothing, what do I do next?”
"Be still and know I am,” he said.
"This is the hardest task I ever had to do, just be still. I am conditioned to produce results.”
"The key word being I,” he replied.
"I feel so separate God, I am not 100% sure you love me; I am no one special and I am not good at anything that is important,” I said.
"You cannot understand yourself alone. I have given you this time to connect with me, and you keep filling it up with things to do: I guess you still think doing means more to me, like I am keeping score or something.”
As I listen to my inner voice I think: did the sun stop and ask if it should shine today? No it just keeps on shining somewhere in the world. I look around my environment and see all the projects that are unfinished, and I think to myself; you’re never going to get organized, you’re lazy, you’re stupid. My inner critic gets loud sometimes, especially when I am not busy. No wonder I want to be busy!
The Course in Miracles says Peace is the ego’s greatest enemy because war is the ego’s survival: it also states, that judgment implies a lack of trust, and judgment without self deception is impossible. This means that when I am listening to the ego, I am not trusting God. I am really saying I know better than God. If I know better than God, why do I need God? Exactly! I believe at that time I don’t, which confirms my negative beliefs that I am alone and separate. How do I shift from where I am at, to peace? I need to see that the world I see is just a playground for learning, and when I buy into the ego and play small, I let the negative beliefs about myself win.
One of my negative beliefs is that I don’t deserve abundance and if I have abundance, I will be hurting someone else. This I have learned is Not True! These lessons have come up many times in my life in many forms. I have learned not to project my negative thoughts on to others, and to look within for my answers. The Course in Miracles has taught me to be the observer. This simply means to watch and feel what is coming through me to be healed, not to judge it, not to try and fix it, but to just observe it, be willing to let it go, and replace it with the Truth that we are never alone, and peace is our birthright. It’s too easy!
I have had many teachers along the way, and none of them could have helped me unless I was first willing to see, feel, and think differently than I was conditioned to think. I am willing to let love in today! Today, this moment, is all that I have. Illusions are created when I think I have more than just this moment. The Course in Miracles states the only aspect of time that is eternal is Now. When I am living in The Now, I find it is impossible to be fearful. I choose to surrender my will when I am fearful, and believe that the Holy Spirit will help me reinterpret things, and teach me that only what is loving is true.
Louise Snowdon is Founder of Joining Journeys Holistic Healing Center in Campbell River.