Out of the Ashes

I have never written an article about a session I have had with a client. I have written many articles that were inspired by the parallel journeys my clients and I take, but this one particular session was outside of my experience. I was so moved by Ellen’s story, that, with her permission, I share this amazing tale. We both hope, that in some way, anyone reading this who has lost hope, may be inspired.

Ellen had been trying to have a child for eight years. She and her partner had tried many allopathic and holistic approaches. The hopes, then disappointments, the expectation, then the let down, the grief and sadness had been interwoven into their lives monthly. Ellen came to me because she was beginning peri-menopause and the sadness she felt over her broken dream was affecting her sense of well-being.

During the session, I asked key questions in order for Ellen to self-discover what was right for her.

“What does the loss feel like for you?” I asked.

Ellen breathed into her body and replied, “It is like a large crater-like hole in my stomach area… you know, like when you have had surgery and it is hollow and filled with scar tissue.” Silence filled the room as Ellen felt deeper into her loss.  “I am getting… out of the ashes. I am not sure what that means,” she continued.

“How is it to have a crater-like hole in this area?” I inquired.

“There is a garden of flowers beginning to grow. Like it is after a volcano erupts and the ashes provide a fertile place for plants to grow,” Ellen offered.

“ Ah,” I said and left space for the development of whatever was to come.

As Ellen continued her visual journey of healing she revealed another insight. “I am hearing… I am the Creator! I am not sure where that is coming from.”

The strength of the statement and how it was delivered told me Ellen had touched on something significant for herself. “How are you the Creator, Ellen?” I asked.

“Well,” she contemplates, “You know how when someone has a loss in their life and they often become very busy trying to fill the hole? This is different. It is me who is the creator of the child and that is not happening right now but what I want to do is shift the creativity. Take that creative energy and change it to a different form. I am the Creator and because I can’t have a child doesn’t mean my creativity ends. I just need to find a different expression for Creativity.”

The session continued as Ellen discovered and explored what creative expression meant for her.

Afterwards, I reflected on our time together and realized that I could relate to her experience. I too have tried filling a hole. The inner void that gnaws at us while we try to fill it with external stuff: food, alcohol, work, TV. Often the hole is depthless and has the ability to deceive us into believing the more we do the greater the chance of filling the hole — a deception that is hard to move through. I am grateful to Ellen for showing me, with strength of character and grace, that when one’s hope or dream is shattered by uncontrollable circumstances, out of the ashes can arise life’s creative forces.

Amy Hanson is a Certified ARC Bodywork Therapist compassionately working with people from her Shawnigan Lake home.