Relationship Rehab

Rehabbing the Heart After a Breakup

After a heart wrenching breakup or a series of challenging relationships, we often find ourselves becoming lost in the ugly mire of projecting negative thought patterns on the world around us and onto the being within us.

How many of us have witnessed ourselves thinking “love does not really exist”; “relationships are an illusion”; “I will never find anyone”?

Although it may be deemed a natural response to move through this cycle of thought patterns, it is in the end (as we may realize), both unhealthy and limiting.

Yet how do we overcome this mindset and become better at handling these post breakup stages (without shutting down our minds and emotions completely)? And, in the end, how do we create a clear pathway to move forward, so that we are not 1) carrying the dented baggage (thoughts, feelings, ego whisperings) forward; 2) painting the world around us in greys (refusing to see any hope); or 3) falling back into the same relationship patterns with those who could be a double of our ex (either internally or physically)?

When we feel that something within us has broken due to our “breakup”, it is time for us to take charge of ourselves and ensure that both our sanity and confidence come out intact. Knowing that once we are ready, if we choose, that next relationship will really have a chance and so will our hearts.

Although there are a number of keys to consider when working through your breakup and preparing to possibly re-emerge into the realm of relationships, there is one common point that is most often overlooked, yet can have an incredibly healing and freeing effect on you. The Blame Game.

The mind’s common response to a breakup is to place blame, whether it is assigned to yourself, to your ex or even to an outside influence. Blame is a powerful nemesis, masquerading as your mind’s answer to your heart’s question of “why?”, when in the end it is pointless and serves no constructive purpose.

When you find yourself playing the breakup blame game, try a new tactic: realize that relationships are based on a diverse range of energetic, physical and inner chemical cocktails, i.e. you + your partner = resulting cocktail. Some cocktails are sweet, some are sour, some elements don’t mix well (energetically or physically) and some only blend for a moment before separating again (think of oil and water). The idea is that it is the combination of the two of you as individuals summing to create a “partnership” that did not work in the end, this does not mean that the individual elements are to blame.

Yes of course, the breakup may have been ugly for some and actions leading up to it may have been wounding for others, however to finally let these lacerations heal, we must see the entire picture, face the hurts and let go of the individual fault, realizing that in the end, the components you each brought to the relationship did not blend in the optimal way to make it lasting.

The results: there is no more room for the game of blame (and being free of it is a gift to yourself).

As you move back out into the world of connections and begin experiencing the many beautiful colours of yourself and what shades can be created by mingling yours with another’s, remember to keep yourself clear of the past (blame), celebrate the individual colours of yourself and others; truly be open to that colourful blending that will bring you an infinite amount of intimate, physical and spiritual bliss.

Alessandra is trained in Counselling Hypnotherapy, Meditation Instruction and is a world renowned Intuitive Advisor.