Once inside, I immediately felt at ease but my tendency to be skeptical remained. ‘Alternative’ methods of healing have not been part of my life experience. But after asking some questions and taking time to reflect, I decided to try Reiki. On the morning of my appointment, I felt nauseous. I was afraid that, if it actually worked, wounds would open that I wasn’t ready to deal with and couldn’t handle. I went anyways. Asha, the dog, kindly greeted me. She gave me a sniff as if to assess just how messed up I really was. I’m not a dog person, but my sense is that she belongs in a healing environment. Then came Julie, the woman who was embracing the opportunity to join my wellness team. I knew I was in good hands.
I can’t say that the experience has eliminated my scepticism, but something powerful happened during that first Reiki session. My eyes closed, body relaxed and feeling the heat from Julie’s hands, I saw colours. Green. Purple. Magenta. I felt tightness in my chest and throat. Then, tears started to stream down my face.
Later, I heard words. Not a voice, just words: "You are worthy of love. You are worthy.” This brought on more tears. Because for all the abundance I have in my life, I don’t always feel that I deserve it, let alone more. I have years of negative self-talk and many examples to prove it. Could this be why I feel stuck??
It’s not the first time that self-worth has come up for me. It also happened last year when I was embarking on my sail training adventure. Still, it both surprised and moved me. After the session, I felt exhausted. Then I felt an urge to write. So I did, right there in the office. Asha gave me another sniff and then joined me on the couch by the window. And there it was; the next chapter of my healing journey with my new partners, Asha and Julie.
As a person who feels uncomfortable in the emotional and spiritual realms, I believe that I am embarking on a life-altering change. And I feel much gratitude for a stranger who shares her life energy to enhance another person’s well-being. Thank you, Julie! I am very fortunate to have made "soul” connections with wonderful, powerful and wise women over the years. When I’m prepared to fully let them in, I know that they will be there to support me in my process of opening fully to my beautiful and worthy self.
I feel quite vulnerable sharing this – yet in a powerful way. I have to wonder, how many other women question their worth and are not living their potential as a result? We need to stop doubting. It’s time to say "yes” to our authentic selves. In 2009, I am committing to my healing journey, wherever it takes me. I believe that this will be the foundation upon which all else falls into place. It’s time to remove the roadblock – and that roadblock is none other than me. I invite you to do the same…you’re worth it.
Marla Hunter-Bellavia is a writer and owner of Ocean Spirit Communications.