The secret to great sex is not a pill, or a toy, or another partner. The secret to great sex is to "make love” more often with our partner. Making love involves much more than just sex. It includes all the other good love stuff like being kind to each other, listening with a caring ear, sharing loving thoughts and words, spending quality time together, taking out the trash without being asked, etc.
If one wants to build a relationship based on love, "simply doing it” just doesn’t do it. Sex is good; but love must come first, and then sex becomes great! It takes time to "make love”. It is not a race and we shouldn’t be proud of a 30 second first place finish. However, if the hockey game is on and the puck is about to drop, then it is okay to join the race. Most of us guys were taught that foreplay starts when the covers are pulled down. Thankfully, most women know that true foreplay started last week when he brought home flowers just because he cares. He was already "making love” even if he didn’t realize it.
These gestures of love are more sincere when we do them without expectations. If I buy my partner nice gifts, then maybe we will have sex more often. However, more is not necessarily better, unless of course, it has been so long that the parts are getting rusty. Then perhaps a little extra "oiling” might be needed just to get things working. "Honey is that the bed springs squeaking or is that us?” Great sex is not about quantity; rather it is about the quality of love we share. It is the "connection” that creates deeper intimacy.
It is easy to be more loving when things are going well. The challenge for most of us is to express our love during times of adversity. If we are experiencing financial hardships, health concerns or other stressful situations our relationships can suffer and sex is usually the last thing on our minds. However, it is during these difficult times that we really need to focus our attention on "making love”. We know that love heals and when two hearts are in-sync – open to allow love to flow – then the power of love can make miracles happen. We just have to have faith that "this too shall pass” and that love will show us the way.
It is not a "secret” any more; the word is out. LOVE is the answer and what we focus our attention on becomes our reality. The time is right because our world desperately needs more love right now and thus it is our responsibility to "make love” more often. We will benefit, our relationships will benefit and yes, the sex will become great too.
However, it never really was about sex, was it? It is all about love and sex is just one of the many benefits. We can all "make love” more often and our relationships are one way of expressing our love.
The recipe for "making love” is always changing and fresh new ingredients are necessary to help spice things up. A love note, a walk in the park together, or doing your partner’s chores are some ideas, but I am sure you have your own secret ingredients for "making love”. Practice makes perfect, so don’t delay, make the commitment to "make love” more often, starting today. Did you hear? I love you dear!
Bobby O’Neal is the creator of Syncrohearts: "The game you love to play and play to love”.