Sex is great, but sensuality should be our true goal. I recently attended the Taboo Sex Show in Vancouver, British Columbia where I displayed our relationship game Syncrohearts. Call me naive, but I was a bit shocked with the overwhelming amount of "XXX stuff” and the lack of "love stuff". I felt compelled to write this article on sensuality.
I guess you could say that I had an urge that just needed to be satisfied. It seems that wherever we look, we are exposed to more and more sex – why? Because sex sells. Marketing experts know that sexy advertising is the best way to get our attention for their products. It is great that we have such a keen interest in sex. Unfortunately, an explosion in pornography and XXX stuff is overshadowing sensuality and the more intimate part of sex. For some people, sex has become merely mechanical, with too much emphasis on the physical and not enough on the sensual.
The secret to great sex is to create more intimacy first, which naturally transforms to more sensuality. This starts with good communication, more compassion, sharing loving thoughts and words, massaging, kissing and hugging and then you can get naked.
Perhaps it is our busy lifestyles that have led to a lack of intimacy. Not only is there less intimacy, but there is also less sex. Research shows that on average we are "doing it" far less often then we were five to ten years ago. Is it just because we are too busy or too tired? Maybe we are looking for more than just a physical experience. Perhaps we desire something more sensual and all the XXX stuff just doesn’t provide it. Sex is an important part of a healthy and loving relationship but we need to focus more time and energy on creating more intimacy.
Intimacy is the path to sensuality and this path involves connecting the body, mind and spirit. When sex is just a physical connection, our bodies might be satisfied but our mind and spirit are hungry for something more. Consciously, our bodies might be going through the motions, but subconsciously we know that this physical act is not pleasing our soul. The path to sensuality might start with physical attraction, but loving thoughts and words are necessary to move us toward the goal. Our spirits – or our higher selves – are witnessing the progress and they too are anxious to dance together.
We need to be patient because it takes time to build intimacy. It does not happen overnight. Loving relationships require nurturing. Love is always showing us the way and as our love grows stronger, we move closer to experiencing sensuality. The sexual act now becomes more exciting, passionate and fulfilling. When our bodies intertwine, our spirits rejoice and dance above. We are connected at a deeper level and our souls know that this is a true celebration of love. Even after we become physically separated, the loving feelings linger for a long time. Our spirits stay connected and continue to share their love. All of our senses become aware of this sacred love connection and this is when we know that sex has transformed into sensuality.
Bobby O’Neal is the creator of Syncrohearts: "The game you love to play and play to love”.