Welcoming Change

Do you welcome change, or would you prefer things stay just as they are?

Imagine a major barrier blocks you in your life. Let’s call it a wall. You know you don’t want to be where you are, but you feel stuck. You have tried to break through, but the wall is still in front of you. Such a scene plays out many times in the normal course of life.

Some examples are in order: You know you are underpaid and bored in your secure job, but you balk at the thought of getting back into the job market. So you stay put. You have been dating someone for 3 years, but can’t commit. Or you are miserable and lonely in a relationship that ended years ago, but you can’t seem to leave.

The form is standard; fill in the blanks for your own life. You know you can’t go on with ________, but you don’t or can’t ________, so you are stuck facing your wall. Now think back to various times when you did overcome seemingly impossible obstacles in your life.

The problem is you can never know for sure what’s on the other side of the wall. All you know is you don’t like where you are.

Following the examples, you know you could leave your job if you could be sure of quickly finding a better job. You could commit to marriage, if you could be sure everything would work out. Or you could leave that dead relationship, if only you could be sure you both would be OK.

Now imagine you have finally found a weak spot in the wall. You make a hole and break through. You find the new and the good on the other side. However, besides the positive changes, new challenges appear and old friends disappear. You are stressed and your fear makes you want to retreat, but you find you can’t get back through the hole.

In the examples, the secure job is gone; the one you couldn’t commit to has married another; or the old predictable partner is wallowing in terminal bitterness.

When you think back to major changes you made in the past, you will realize going back was never possible. When you have a major breakthrough, you emerge from the other side as a more complex being. You have more knowledge and wisdom and a different perspective on life. Metaphorically, you are too big to get back through the hole.

You can do some of the old things, but it is never the same. The recovered alcoholic can drink again, but with his new insights, he can never be a happy drunk again.

We all want change.

Contrary to popular belief, we all want change. We are hard-wired to seek happiness, bond with others, reproduce and make our lives better. The inevitability of change comes with the territory of life.

We face the walls in life because we want change, but …

…there are no guarantees.

Change is unpredictable. Things never seem to unfold the way we wanted them to or the way we thought they would. It is the unknown that we fear, not change itself, but …

…you cannot go back.

You cannot undo an insight or a new learning. You cannot go back to an earlier state of being. Yes, you can do some of the old things, but nothing is the same. Change is irreversible.

Life is full of transitions from one state of being to the next in our mental, emotional and spiritual development. So, if change is inevitable, unpredictable and irreversible, why not just welcome it?

Dr. Neill Neill, Registered Psychologist, Comprehensive Energy Psychology, helps capable people who feel stuck… trauma, relationships, addictions.